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Jocasta's Secret


Before I blow apart one of the cornerstones of psychoanalytic theory, I would like to share with you some correspondence that I have recently received:


Oberste Frau,

I am writing on behalf of the European International Psychoanalytic Association. We all feel as if we have come out of a century long psychosis since we have had wind of you. And what a fragrant and liberating wind it has been! There is no doubt that every serious scholar and practitioner of Sigmund’s work has had a sense that something has been missing, but couldn’t quite finger it. Jung wrote extensively on Freud’s compulsive habit of looking furtively over his shoulder whenever he expounded on some new aspect of ‘his’ theory and we are all familiar with the story of Sigmund fainting in the presence of Jung and attributing it to Jung’s intentions of superceding him. In fact it was really about his terror that Jung was onto his secret: that he was not all there, if you know what I mean. We now understand why Jung had to hide his red book for so long and leave posthumous instructions with his trustees that it could be published only once you had been sprung from the floor-boards. I believe that Jung has hidden this knowledge deep inside the illustrations. Even as we speak, our organisation has dispatched a task force to scrutunize these intriguing daubs and squiggles. He was exquisitely aware that if Freud discovered his suspicions he would have spread the word that Jung was a crazy latter day mystic and the inquisitions would have started. And everyone would have gone down, everyone. After all, we all know that any self-respecting analyst would admit to guilt rather than be relegated to the ranks of a partobject.

I hear that there is still a hard core group that meets in the dead of night to swear allegiance to SF even though the world has moved on and managed health care has delivered the final nail in the coffin of the fifteen year treatment paradigm.

But he left clues. In his famous paper ‘Jokes and their relation to the unconscious’ (1905:SE), he states: “the success of a joke depends on the willingness of the receiving party to be deceived by the joker” (p.16). What a bunch of patsies we have been!

Yours truly,

Peregrine Von Spermagon



And now, bubbalas, I must release you all from one of the great conspiracies of Freudian psychoanalysis—the Oedipus Complex. In the same way that the world was not ready for the Sexual Seduction Theory until the 1970’s, so the world is now ready for the truth about the Oedipus Complex.

Sigmund made it up.

Let me ask you this: How can every little boy want to shtup his mother? What about those ugly mothers with halitosis and rampant underarm hair? And the ubiquitous vaginal dentate? Repulsion is not a defence mechanism. Repulsion is repulsion.

It’s the yuk factor.

The Oedipus Complex is a modernist fossil. It means that we only have one choice, either Mama or her effigy. Bobbameises! Sex is not a one-person commodity. Why do you think your consulting rooms are brim full of raging couples? All they want is just a little bit more. That’s all. How simple is that. If you read the Oedipus myth all the way through to the appendix, you will see that Jocasta had more than one mate. In fact it is Jocasta’s husband the King who utters: “the house of Laius is a many headed snake.” It is also now common knowledge that Oedipus was adopted on one of their holidays to the pyramids and that he never put his own eyes out—he went blind from too many afternoons in bed making eyes at the ceiling.

Bubbalas, imagine a world without sexual possession? Imagine the effect on the economy as money spent on private investigators is released into the consumer market.



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